Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon

Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon -- I'm Crazy About Prem**

MAIN CAST

Kareena Kapoor -- Sanjana

Hrithik Roshan -- Prem

Pankaj Kapur -- Sanjana's father

Himani Shivpuri -- Sanjana's mother

BRIEF PLOT OVERVIEW

Sanjana is a total daddy's girl who refuses to settle for an arranged marriage, but goes through a change of heart when she meets Prem, her polar opposite in every way. Unfortunately, Prem isn't quite what he seems, and things go haywire when his boss--who is just like Sanjana in every way--comes for a visit.

FILM -- 2/5

This script is...it's just...it's all so...vapid. It's stupid and cliche, and not in a way that is funny or charming. Every scene drips with melodrama, every character is an archetype, every costume looks like a rejected outfit from Karan Johar's personal closet. And yet, it works (kind of). I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoyed parts of this movie, even as I cringed through most of it. For example, how Sanjana SUDDENLY falls madly in love with the hyper-active, immature Prem. What?! The choreography is ridiculous, and it's not like they picked very good dancers. Kareena Kapoor? Come on, we all know how wooden she is when she tries to do anything more complicated than shaking her hips and waving her hands! The exception to this is "Bani Bani Prem Diwani Bani," and while Kareena won't win any dancer's awards, she's unusually fluid during that song. There's some really annoying zoom-in-zoom-out camera work and a lot of bad angles; I don't find the top of Kareena's head nearly as interesting as her face. The cartoon parrot is cute, but the dog with the cartoon head is just too much. Actually, the special effects in general are just too much, and I hate all of the martial arts moves that are obviously performed on wires, especially when Prem saves Sanjana's flying father. No, I'm not making this stuff up.

CHARACTERS -- 1.5/5

Sometimes Kareena Kapoor looks very pretty, but there are other parts where she's wearing so much make-up that she looks like a drag queen. This is how I like to remember her, though; she's a healthy size in this film. None of that size 0 crap she's trying to pull nowadays! Unfortunately, this roll isn't very demanding on her part, so if you want to see a good Bebo performance, I'd recommend Chameli or Asoka over MPKDH any day. The same goes for Hrithik Roshan. Granted, he totally set me up for his "roadrunner on crack" performance when he stuck his head out of the airplane and darted those pretty green eyes around like he'd just pulled off a schoolboy prank, but I was still disappointed. I've come to worship Hrithik as a dancer and respect him as an actor, and MPKDH won't show you why. His character is just plain annoying. He's still pretty to look at, though, and his chemistry with Kareena only sucks half of the time. Abhishek Bachchan doesn't have a lot to do, but he looks rather dashing in a western business suit, and the way his cool demeanor melts in to a shy one when he's around Sanjana is adorable. The supporting cast is generally obnoxious, including some obnoxious super-snotty friends to accompany Sanjana and the psuedo-humorous Johnny Lever. I'd also like to mention the cartoon parrot that shows up in this film. Yes, it's ridiculous, but am I the only person who watched Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks and didn't mind real-life characters mixing with cartoons? I dunno, I thought it was sort of cute, but maybe I'm just easily amused. A few bonus points for MPKDH: Reema Lagoo plays Prem's mom!

SOUNDTRACK -- 3/5

Considering most movies from the past decade only have 5 or 6 songs, Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon's 10 tracks are a delightful surprise. The lyrics on this soundtrack make me want to punch Anu Malik (how could you?!), but parts of it are still memorable. "Papa Ki Pari" is cute at first, but it gets obnoxious after the "it's our life" line comes in. If you're not a total daddy's girl like me and/or you can't stand bubblegum pop at all, you'd best skip this song. I loved "Bhatki Panchi," though, mostly because Chitra's voice is perfect for Kareena. K.K naturally has a young-sounding voice, but his vocals on "Ladka Yeh Kehta Hai" make him sound like he's going through puberty again. It's an okay song otherwise. "Chali Aayee Chali Aayee" sounds like it has MID, as the vocals--layered over a sensual, thumping rhythm and a bell-twinkling bridge--rapidly switch from cute and childish to blatantly sexual. The in-film picturization is so stupid that I just skip past it. Both versions of "Oh Ajnabi" are surprisingly pretty on and off screen...er, at least, until you hit the ridiculous scene in the shower about a minute in to the "happy version." Then it goes in to the realm of totally fake scenery and supposed-to-be-hot grappling between the two leads. I'm not a Kareena fan by any means, but she's resplendent in a red lehgna choli in "Bani Bani Prem Diwani Bani;" the song is a masterful mix of traditional and modern music, and I really like it. "Aur Mohabbit Hai" is a typical masala love ballad, and the last two songs--"Kasam Se" and "Sanjana, I Love You"--are truly forgettable.

OVERALL -- 2.5/5

When westerners spoof Bollywood films, Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon is the kind of stuff they come up with. This movie is R I D I C U L O U S. It's a big pile of melodrama, craziness, overacting, and insane plot twists, best represented by the scene where a twitching Hrithik Roshan receives a face full of confetti from a cartoon parrot. But I'll be honest: it's a guilty pleasure for me. It's so insane that I can't help but love it, and I have no trouble watching it from start to finish, provided nobody else is around to mock me for my bad taste in movies. It's so cartoony that it makes the child in me come out to play and sends my adult brain packing for three hours. Some people will watch it a lot for the sheer silliness, others will barely make it through their first viewing. Don't watch it if you expect a well-written movie that everybody will love, look elsewhere, but if you like pointless masala insanity with a side of melodrama, give Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon a try...in private.

TOTAL SCORE -- 9/20 (mediocre)

** "Prem" is also a word for "love."